Friday, March 11, 2011

Day: The Ninth...




Day 9 - something you have to forgive yourself for...


Ugh...this is hard...

While preparing to graduate HS, I thought a lot about what I wanted to do and be when I..."grew up".  I didn't really WANT to grow up, but the funny thing was that I never actually acted my age to begin with.  I was the one doing homework and reading the hard books and studying all hours of the night.  Mom and dad were the ones telling me to get out of the house, call a friend and to get into some trouble.  I took AP classes, hard classes, art classes, science classes and a Japanese language class that I couldn't quite get the hang of...I also took an internship at the ECEC: Murray School District's preschool. 

I LOVED IT.

Every single second of it. 

I got to be everything I wanted to be-and was in the eyes of the kids I was with.  I had an awesome trainer, and learned then why my mom was so different than all my friends.  She actually knew what she was doing and was insanely good at it.  She knew how to talk to kids, how to treat kids and how to get them to do what she needed them to do...all while they thought it was their idea.  I wanted to be just like her. 

So I studied and learned and threw myself into that work. 

And it stuck. 

I was lucky enough to be hired on as a sub my Senior year of High School and had a job in the Special Ed. classroom before I graduated.  I fell in love with this, too.

One year turned into two.  Then three.  Then four...

Then amazing Kaydee and I were asked to start up a new three year old room...  With Kaydee's natural, amazing ability, and my SPED background (I was pretty amazing, too, actually!) we kicked it.  It was amazing. Our 3's were the happiest, brightest, well-rounded three-year-olds in the state.  Guaranteed.  :)

During this time, I met and fell in love with some of the most amazing kids...with some pretty hard challenges.  Kaydee and I learned how to care for and support lots of difficult special needs...and we both felt very much like...we were needed. 

I didn't feel that I could leave that work...for anything else.

EVEN the U.  Even if it would make me a better teacher.

I wanted to go to the U.  BAD.  I thought about it.  I prayed about it.  I read about it... 
And always, I got the same answer:  The kids at the ECEC NEEDED me. 

So I never went.

I forgot the U.

Fast forward almost 11 years.  I am now counting down to my 30th birthday (which is incredibly scary!) and am working at Liberty Elementary as the aide for the all day kindergarten class (we were just approved for ANOTHER year!!! YAY!!)

I LOVE my job.

But I want to be better.

So...the thing that I get to forgive myself for???


The fact that I'm almost 30...and don't have my degree.


But...


I also know that what I was doing in the meantime was VERY important.

I just get to remember that...and move on... 



Much Love,

j

3 comments:

Jessica said...

This made me cry, because you are one of the best things that ever, ever, ever happened to my son. I'm crying tears of joy that you were there for us. Thank you Jonelle. Love, Jessica and Zane

Des said...

Hey, I am over 30 and don't have my degree either. But we don't need degrees to be awesome, right? :) Doing what you love definitely counts for something. I think you are pretty amazing (and your mom is too.) I feel so blessed to have worked with you both and learned so much.

jonnajonna said...

Jessica, your comment made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing your amazing boy with me. I have such a happy, warm fuzzy feeling remembering those times!
Des, I AGREE!!! I think you are pretty amazing and awesome too! Thank you for loving me-and for still trusting your Little Loves with me! :)